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Main buai laju laju di NZ dengan angah

BLOBBYYYYY

rindu

introducing : the BLOBBY

i mean the old ones. i miss my old family

considering about other broken family, i am half way luckier to have a normal family, even though there are some problems in this family. this family is way far from cracking 

my dad has two wifes. my ibu (married 31 december 1981) and my mama (september 20?? , i dont remember because i refuse to remember it)

i always have this big question mark in my head, why does ayah find someone else, other than ibu? isn't ibu the best mother in the whole world? Wasn't she was the one beside you when you were struggling with your studies , to get to what you are right now? wasn't ibu the one who always be by your side during ups and downs? when everything  turns dark, ibu shines your way. why ayah carik orang lain jugak? i hate it ayah. no one can compare ibu with any woman in this world? * shivering*

mum always tell me not to hate you, never hate ayah no matter what happen, he is still your ayah, he who raised me up, he who feed us, he who finds money for school and the households, ayah selalu jadi penceria rumah, buat lawak pecah perut and make rumah turn upside down as well . ibu never fails to affirm us, never and never everrrr hate your ayah,loves him, because no matter whattt, his love to us will never change (wawa yeahh right?)

ok. enuf said. rasa menggigil badan. i've always wanted to cry out loud and tell him what i've wanted to say, what i've been holding on to myself, i just want to say how i miss him so much . be the same person as he used to be, ayahh! i want you back! i never cry at home because i never want ibu to see me weak, as she is struggling keeping herself calm in front of us. I MISS YOU AYAH! i always pretend that i was strong at home, but the fact, i cried inside my heart out, driving out to nowhere somehow really helps me to get away from all this. yeah, i do know that im a person that run away from problems. 

dear ayah. i know you have been cheating on ibu. i never tell ibu. i never tell ibu.  Please dont treat her like this.she deserve better.  I love you ayah. but i hate what u did. i dont want to have a life without ayah. i cant imagine having one. ayahh, please be the old ayah i used to hug, i used to tumbuk2 perut, you used to give us bau ketiak ayah secara tiba2 the time where me n others khusyukk tgk tv in front, i hate that busuk smell, but  i miss u ayah.

i am such a loser. i am so afraid to do the right thing, pretending nothing happen, i am the best actress and deserve an Academy award-winning-actress.

oh Allah,please please please help this helpless girl. i  am a sinner, please be mercy to me, please bless both parents of i, please forgive all their sins. please care and grant guidance, happiness and all the goods always surround them. I'm helpless. please grant my dad and my mum Jannah for all the deeds they've done to me and my family.

i miss u both.

Gosh. susah benar nak nangis. 

Bodoh betul